Honduras: Cayos Cochinos

Known in English as the Hog Islands, the Cayos Cochinos form an archipelago just off the northern coast of Honduras. I had scheduled a trip weeks ago with a tour agency, and up until a few days ago was set to go by myself. Be that as it may, me and 70 Honduran Adventists taking a church trip to the Palmas Real Resort in Sambo Creek all went together on around 6 motorized "lanchas" (also known as launches, whatever those are). It took around 45 minutes of zipping across the choppy waters to arrive at Cayo Menor, where all guests are required to watch an educational video about protecting the islands. Our head guide made a lot of sex-related jokes, but the Adventists seemed to giggle just the same. For example, "What fish do men most prefer?" In Spanish, "pez" is fish. So when he said "pezones," at first I thought he said big fish. Then I remembered that "pezones" means nipples. Jajaja.

After the talk, I got a very VIP private ride on a motorized canoe around the Cayo Mayor to visit two places to stay. The first is a community project built in the middle of a 50-person Garifuna village. Five percent of earnings from the two-cabin setup go toward supporting the local school. My guide was both the "hotel" manager and the schoolteacher, so he took me around both facilities as little kids popped their heads out from palm-thatched houses to see who the weirdo with giant sunglasses was. After touring the second, I spotted the mass of Adventists boarding the boats from around the cove. My canoe had already taken off, so I raced through some jungle paths to meet them on the beach. I hopped in the last departing boat just in time. Then I saw the boat I first took pull up to the short at the second hotel to pick me up. Oops.

The following stop was at the Chachahuate Island...which sounds remarkably like "cacahuate" (peanut). Rather than buy bottled water, many Honduras (and presumably Central Americans) drink purified water from plastic baggies, exactly the same kind as those gross milk pouches we got in elementary school that often tasted like rubber. For the life of me I couldn't figure out how to drink from the hole I'd chewed without splashing water all over myself. Eventually an elderly woman with ginormous breasts and an exposed bra that was shredded and sans elastic sat down close to me and starting drinking from a pouch. I studied her intently, then tried out her trick of grabbing the bag in a fistful and squeezing it upward. Genius. I also purchased a piece of "pan de coco" (coconut bread), a ubiquitous Caribbean favorite that I had yet to try. It was good, it was warm and freshly baked, but it mostly just tasted like...bread.

I should note that the reef encircling Honduras' coast is part of the 2nd biggest reef in the world, next to Australia's Great Barrier Reef. Cayos Cochinos is said to have such great snorkeling and diving that the dive instructors who work on Roatan and Utila (two of three Bay Islands) come to Cayos Cochinos for fun. That said, I was too busy running around to get more than ankle deep in the turquoise waters. I didn't really want to see some of the world's best snorkeling anyway.

After we came back to the boat drop off in Sambo Creek, I fell asleep at a plastic table in the adjoining seafood restaurant. Today made me incredibly sea sick, and even right now various hours later I still feel like I'm swaying. Cool vertigo gene, thanks Galluccis!! Then I had fried fish with slices of fried plantain and the famous dish "rice and beans" (oh wait...that's what it's called in Spanish, too). After the tour guide dropped me off at my hostel, I hopped in the shower, repositioned my drying undies and took back off into La Ceiba. And I just polished off a personal pizza while watching Latino music videos.

Tomorrow, it's off to Guanaja! Let's hope my plane ride tomorrow doesn't give me too many funny things to write about!